HAVE FUN, DANGIT!

It's the last few days of summer vacation, a bittersweet time of anxiety and repressed jubilation when you have school agers in the house. The summer is over- no more lazy days lying around in jammies or staying up too late to watch another movie. It's time to pack your bags and hit the road, Jack. Your life awaits you.

But hold on, wait a minute, gotta get one last blast out. That's why we headed up to the local water park a couple days ago, squeezing those last scorching bits of fun out of August. We pick up theme park season tickets every summer. Sure, it's a bang on the pocketbook that first time out, but after that it's sensible, easy fun. Pack a cooler for lunch or dinner, and head out. We wander around, doing whatever seems like fun. Sometimes we go out for the whole day; others we zip out for a few rides after dinner. The great thing is that we never feel like we have to do ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW TODAY BECAUSE THIS IS OUR ONLY CHANCE. You know that feeling... you paid twenty umpteen dollars and ,by goodness, you're going to get every penny's worth! So you turn into the Fun Nazi, dragging your tired, aching children from ride to exhibit to ride, demanding the good time you paid for.

Fun Nazis crack me up. I mean, I feel terribly for their children, who you know will someday crack in therapy, weeping uncontrollably. "And then... and then it was the MERRY GO ROUND! All it does is go around and around and around.... just like my life!" I expect to see them in certain places- the zoo, traditional theme parks, fairs. But for some reason I'm always suprised to see them at water parks. To me, water parks are filled with a land locked island spirit of sorts. You meander from place to place. There are rides, but it's so much more of a relaxed vibe. I mean, one of the main attractions is called a "Lazy" river! How can you get worked up in a place like this? Oh, but the Fun Nazis can.

At water parks, the true sign of a Fun Nazi is the camera. Yes, a camera. At a water park. And it's not just a disposable, or a cheap digital shoved in a plastic case (of which I'm guilty). We're talking hardware. Digital SLRs, primed and ready for the next great shot of Little Lola and Junior Johnny splashing at the frog pond. Rather than getting in and playing with the kids, the FNM (Fun Nazi Mom) stands at the side of every attraction, her $1000, decidedly NON waterproof camera in hand. "Lola! Lola, honey, look over here! LOOK! OVER HERE! LOLA!" "Johnny, stop going down the slide so fast! Mommy needs to take your picture! Go slower! No, Stop! STOP! RIGHT THERE! Now... no, DONT SPLASH MOMMY!"

Good times, good times.

As we splashed and played that last day of summer, I caught a FNM standing at the side of the pool, holding a camera that easily cost well over a grand- closer to two grand with the lens. I smiled at her and said "You are a braver woman than I!" With a frosty glare, she arched one perfect eyebrow and said "Well, their summer scrapbooks will NOT be complete without these pictures. I can't sacrifice quality." With that she fired off 27 frames per second of Little Lola, all of two years old, looking dejected and nervous amid the running, screaming kids.

Maybe I won't have perfect pictures of my kids at the water park. I'll have some, but they won't be the same quality as SuperPhotoMom has. But I'm okay with that. Because in the end, I want my kids to remember the time we spent together going down slides and racing through waves. I want them to remember it in their heads, and with their hearts, rather than th rough the pages of a scrapbook. I want them to remember it because it REALLY happened.. not because i was directing an artificial scene of fun.

I'll save that for my personal social life. "Here, stand over by this restaurant honey, and it will look like we went out for the night rather than just grocery shopping!"